The Look on Anderson Cooper's Face is Priceless

I thought the problem with N. Korea was their citizens had to subsist on eating tree bark?

(Via Tumblr)

This is What "Going Rogue" Looks Like These Days

Does this look like a body that eats Chick-Fil-A?  No, but that body hates gays with all her freedom ain't free lovin' being!  Sarah Palin must be forming her own "Eat More Chikin" party as nobody gives a Caribou's infected anal gland what she has to say anymore.  She either exercises non-stop or she does actually eat that crap.   In that case, if she likes compressed chicken like substance with pickles,  here's to processed foods and possibly missing out on...what's the youngest one's name? Piper!  Here's to not being around to see Piper's illegitimate children!!

Calm down people.  I don't wish death on anyone.  But I can wish obscurity for this harpy.  It's all she's ever deserved.  Too bad it's not Trick-Fil-A, as she'd already have her next grand baby's name picked out all ye hockey moms.  You betcha!

Rep. Steve Stockman of Texas is Today’s Winner in the “American Evil” Reality Competition

I can't figger what's a girl no more.

Washington, DC – Representative Steve Stockman, R.-TX, decided he wanted to become the front runner in the reality show they seem to producing on the Hill these days: American Evil. He accomplished this heady feat by insisting the Violence Against Women Act was a detestable act, because not only did it protect LIBERALS (whom last time we checked were human beings) but it also protected men who dress up in Lucite shoes and feathers and even Chaz Bono*.  He asked, “How - is that a woman?”

Stockman represents the 36th district of Texas near Houston where he enjoys listening to Ted Nugent's rants (but not the rapper Common's) and is very likely breathing in mold spores on a daily basis while campaigning. I base this upon my one visit to Houston (yikes!).  That can cloud a person’s judgment I’ll bet.  Stockman also loves to rile up ministers who are supposed to be promoting peace and forgiveness to get jazzed up about guns. Moral guy. And you wouldn't believe how many holy men will take an armadillo-rhubarb pie as a bribe to endorse Smith & Wesson in the Lone Star State.

The irony is the Violence Against Women Act protects…. are you sitting down?…ALL American humans against violence, domestic and sexual abuse.  That means if Jesus came back and wanted to kick Rep. Steve Stockman in the sphincter with his sandals without having clipped his toenails since the last time he walked the earth due to Stockman's not wanting to preserve human life among the Jesus' flock…well, with the Violence Against Women Act  we'd have to protect ol’ Yosemite Stockman from the Messiah.  Sum bitch!

*Just an example. I'm sure he has NO idea who Chaz is.

CPAC Crowns Rand Paul’s Toupee Winner in the "Turkey" in the Straw Poll

I'm the next Prez!  Yessum!

Washington, DC – Surprise!  Thanks to his 13-hour filibuster protesting killing Americans with drones (instead of the old fashioned way: with poisoned groundwater) until he had to leave the Senate floor to take a poo, Senator Rand Paul, R. – KY was named the belle of the ball-less at CPAC this weekend!

The Mad Hatter of the Tea Party unseated Senator Marco Rubio, R-FL (the Great Latino Tea Party Hope), who came in a close second because he ran out of drinking water and didn’t have any Ricolas because the soothing throat lozenges were likely made by the Swiss Social Democratic Party instead of the Swiss Radical Party, which likes to give hand-jobs to big business just like our GOP at home!  Plus, those-herbal-throat-lozenge-making bastards probably have a union for their employees too!!  Also, Rubio got distracted by trying to avoid talking about how to keep other Latinos out of America who might try to steal his water.

Anyway, we all know straw polls this far out from the next presidential election don’t mean anything (see: Michele Bachmann).  Besides, once Rand deep throats a corn dog at the Iowa State Fair in 2015, it will be all over. Even if his toupee doesn’t fall into the fryer.  Because you see folks, the Tea Party is getting weaker than a regularly recycled bag of Earl Grey.  Plus, they are so self-obsessed that they probably have never even noticed that while they've been polishing their guns, they been paying the lowest income taxes since circa 2000.  Good luck Randy!