Anybody remember this one?

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free"… at least until Uncle Sam sandblasts that message off of Lady Liberty!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Santorum Blames TV for Gay Marriage

Personally, if I was gay, Will and Grace would have scared me straight. Susie can be cute. She followed be on Twitter and then stopped. I almost wonder it she's a real conservative and couldn't handle me? Whatever. She can't be a REAL conservative if she's funny.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

You Can Take the Boy Away From the Baptist Church, But You Can’t Take the Baptist Away From the Boy: The Trial of Lt. Dan Choi

Lafayette Park...where's your traffic cone bullhorn sir, yes, sir!
Washington, DC – I was one of about 40 people who showed up to support Lt. Dan Choi at his trial today. Lt. Dan and I have developed an odd relationship this month ever since he was looking for interns to help with his legal defense and I wanted to help. When I received the application, I refused to fill it out. It seemed like an application for an internship on the Hill. I’m too old for that crap. I march to my own drummer, much like Lt. Choi. So I think because I am not in the military it drove him kind of nuts because I wouldn’t take orders and we both had our own synergistic civil disobedience thing going on.

I was at Choi’s rally sponsored by an unnamed civil rights group with Kathy Griffin to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in March of 2010. He and his Army compatriots handcuffed themselves to the fence at the White House, were arrested and quickly posted bail and were released. This rally occurred after his coming out on The Rachel Maddow Show and being discharged from the Army. Later, at another protest in November 2010, Lt. Choi was arrested again, for handcuffing himself to the White House fence, yet ended up spending the night in jail - on a cold metal bench.

All Lt. Choi wants is to be reinstated in the Army. Of course, singling him out as a gay soldier raises the issue of Civil Rights and the Reverend C.T. Vivian, friend of the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., was one of Lt. Choi’s witnesses as he was defending himself. The prosecutor from the Department of Justice, Angela George, had no questions for the Reverend on cross-examination. I found this perplexing. NOT.

Then it turned out that the case was less about Choi being an openly gay soldier, but all about violating the rules of the DC park police. One witness, in my opinion, lied on the stand when he stated he had no previous knowledge of Choi’s rally with Kathy Griffin in March of 2010. First of all, I kind of doubt you can hold any event in “Freedom Plaza” without a permit from the park police. Secondly, one of Choi’s friends called the officer who held the post of “Public Information Officer” at that time to complain about Choi’s plight, yet the officer “did not recall off the top of his head” ever having received such a phone call. Choi’s friend John Alexander Nicholson III was unavailable to testify, but phone records could have been hunted down to prove the conversation took place. Again, Prosecutor George had no questions for the new n’ improved Ronald “I do not recall” Reagan clone from the park police.

Pause here while my head nearly spins around like a top and pops off when Judge John M. Facciola refers to Lt . Choi and Lt. “Kim.” With all due respect your honor, Korean Americans have a large number of surnames.

The second park policeman who testified also suffered from CRSD: “Can’t Remember Shit Disease,” but was a little more credible. Of course PTSD is the disease we should be more concerned with and there was plenty of post traumatic stress in the courtroom today.

There was a lot of talk about “selective prosecution” and “vindictive prosecution” and Choi made another motion to dismiss the charges. The judge asked Choi to please clarify his defense, but then I believe he didn’t catch the answer because he went back to playing his game of Angry Birds.

Choi was the exception to the rule that anyone who acts as their own attorney has a fool for a client. He’s eloquent, brilliant, and a force to be reckoned with; a force for peace, love and democracy. Launching into a tirade in Arabic didn’t win him friends with the judge however. I think Facciola’s hands covering his face was probably my first clue.

They're back.......
What was most surprising to me, as the park police kept insisting that they had NO KNOWLEDGE that the protests would be over the unconscionable Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, it turns out that Lt. Choi actually was being prosecuted, at least according to them, for “failure to obey” the rules of NOT BLOCKING THE TOURISTS’ VIEW OF THE WHITE HOUSE. You can walk on the sidewalk in front of the White House, but you can’t stand still with a protest sign. That’s why I danced with my sign today complete with jazz hands.

Buy a f*cking postcard people so our government will leave our American heroes alone.

When the trial resumed after the lunch break Choi walked into the courtroom looking sad and solemn and then turned back to us all and said, "Don't be so dramatic!" This guy is one hell of a firecracker.

Lt. Choi was found guilty, but did not receive a jail sentence. He was fined, but insists he will not pay it!

Good luck, Lt. Dan!  Been a pleasure arguing with you!!

P.S.: My sign won most creative among the protestors.  Too bad the Feds confiscated them.

And here... here's an original photo I took of the White House from Lafayette Park.  Feel free to use it if your view ever gets blocked (Angela George).
BTW, you can't bring handcuffs into Federal Court. You can also get busted for eating (chocolate in my case). But if they haven't caught me yet...for anything...(yeah, I'll still push my luck).

Monday, March 25, 2013

This is What "Going Rogue" Looks Like These Days

Does this look like a body that eats Chick-Fil-A?  No, but that body hates gays with all her freedom ain't free lovin' being!  Sarah Palin must be forming her own "Eat More Chikin" party as nobody gives a Caribou's infected anal gland what she has to say anymore.  She either exercises non-stop or she does actually eat that crap.   In that case, if she likes compressed chicken like substance with pickles,  here's to processed foods and possibly missing out on...what's the youngest one's name? Piper!  Here's to not being around to see Piper's illegitimate children!!

Calm down people.  I don't wish death on anyone.  But I can wish obscurity for this harpy.  It's all she's ever deserved.  Too bad it's not Trick-Fil-A, as she'd already have her next grand baby's name picked out all ye hockey moms.  You betcha!

Looking for a Super Star Congressperson for Thursday

Dear Superstar Progressive Representative:

I apologize for the short notice and I don’t know if you will be in town this Thursday or not. 

I am writing to you on behalf of U.S. Army Lt. Dan Choi regarding the rally at his court martial trial for violating DADT.  The tardiness of the note is due to my recently finding out that progressive organizations (some of whom filled their coffers with donations due to Lt. Choi’s plight) seem to have kicked him the curb when he needs them most. And the media seems to be ignoring the trial as well.

I am looking for a Congressional “superstar” if at all possible to take time out of their busy schedule to show up at the rally.  I know it’s a very huge favor to ask, but Lt. Choi served his tour of duty and I am very proud of his service.

Lt. Choi has tried to settle out of court with the prosecuting attorney numerous times to no avail.  If this case is the prosecutor’s brass ring to grab to make a name for herself, personally, if I were she, I would have chosen another case.  She’s making herself come off like a modern day Joseph McCarthy with her witch-hunt.  And more and more lately, it feels to me like this once proud nation is moving in reverse. 

If any support could be brought to the plight of Lt. Choi this Thursday, I would feel like we are moving forward again in this great nation.

Here is a web link with all of the information:
https://www.facebook.com/events/342518505852589/

Best regards,

Laurie B.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Friday Fool: Governor John Kasich of Ohio

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi...
Just look how sad he is in this picture. Sad Governor Kasich!  That's because he can't decide what his views are going to be for today.  So tough when you need to change your opinion based upon which way the wind is blowing.  Apparently politics really upped the ante on blowing in the wind since the birth of the GOP...if you believe the movie Lincoln to be historically accurate. I know I believe THAT part of the Speilberg film to be historically accurate.

Governor Kasich voted FOR the Defense of Marriage Act and against gay couples being able to adopt.  He's perfectly okay though with rising up against tavern owners who don't hire gay servers in the Buckeye state.  If you want to pour him a Bells Black Note Stout, he doesn't care what you do in the privacy of your own home. It would be DISCRIMINATION to keep a gay Ohio resident from pouring beer.

Now some persnickety Ohio Senator, Rob Portman, has come out in defense of same-sex marriage because is own son is gay and because Portman is not a moron, he realizes sexuality is not a choice.  Not to be upstaged, Kasich quickly came out (get it?) and said he was in favor of civil unions.  Then he quickly turned around said his remarks were interpreted "loosely." I don't know about you, but I want someone who is representing me in my state to have firm opinions.  Regardless of what they are. But if you don't share my feelings in Ohio, may I suggest you interpret EVERYTHING Governor Kasich saily "loosely" from here on in? If I lived in your state I know I would.   Especially during his run for reelection.  Just a suggestion.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Yeah, That's What I Figured

Interesting new RNC logo presented in DC today... 

(Via Imgur)

Rep. Paul Ryan's Still Hell Bent on Killing Your Grandma..and Your Neighbor...and (insert name here)...

Washington, DC - The vampire boy with abs like Ryan Gosling, Rep. Paul Ryan, R-WI, just passed his Republican budget plan to kill poor people.  How does someone with a face that would scare babies get elected?  How can poor people vote Republican?  I know, there's not an answer to either one of those questions.  As was totally predicable this morning, the GOP House voted 221-207 to balance the budget within 10 years by screwing the poor.   Speaker Boehner probably declared, "The Bloody Marys are on me!!  Except for you, Michele Bachmann." Boys club.  Don't they realize that the poor includes working Americans in shit holes like Wal-Mart? What do they care?  Three quarters of them are millionaires.  What's even more infuriating to me is when they use the word "entitlement." Americans don't receive Social Security or Medicare or Medicaid for free.  We paid taxes for those programs while you evil bastards have been hiding your ill-gotten K. Street gains in the Cayman Islands.

Gee, I wonder if there are any significant cuts to the military in that budget?  I can't be bothered to look because I already know the answer to that.

Trickle down on yourselves you heartless a-holes.

And on a site note, Paul Ryan also wants to kill ME. I may be a disabled person, but I still have enough mobility in the hips to give him a Judo kick to the head if I see him in DC next Thursday.  Better stay in the gym, Paul.

Senator Saxby Chambliss is Now a Comedian

Retiring Senator from the fine state of Georgia Saxby Chambliss decided to try his hand at stand up this week by making this quip:
No, you may not "marry a gay" Sax, but you will hire homophobic aides who try and incite violence.  Poor good ol' boy Sax had to fire an aide in 2010 for blogging, "all gays must die."  Yes, IP addresses are traceable. You know we use computers nowadays, right Senator? Pundits say we still have a long way to go to get the GOP dinosaurs like this one to back gay marriage.  I say maybe not.  Because at the rate they are going offending gays, minorities and in particular, women, that party may go the way of the dodo bird.  But since Saxby is retiring, maybe it's true confessions time??  Why don't you tell us then about the dirty dealings behind the scenes in addition to the ones in front of the camera you used to defeat your opponent - triple amputee Vietnam vet Max Cleland?  Remember the guy you publicly accused of "not defending the Constitution?" Don't let the door hit you on the way out, f*ck weasel.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Today in Homophobia: Reince Priebus

Do you ever feel like the GOP's only goal is to take the country ass-backwards?  ("I sure wish my illegal maid Consuela would let me call her Mammy, yessum!") Well, it's pretty obvious. But today RNC chair Reince Priebus (or Rinse Penis as he's known in our household) decided to step up to the plate to promote homophobia for team clueless.

He told the late Tim Russert's less loud kid Luke, "I know our party believes marriage is between a man and a woman!" Or in Mississippi, between and man and his goat maybe.  I'm guessing Reince would be okay with that. Wow, he's a super genius.  Reince is probably Ken Mehlman gay too. Whenever they protest too much, it's a dead giveaway. Enjoy your wide stance.

My question is, what is their party going to believe when same sex marriage is passed in all the blue states and even some red ones?  Even better, I can't wait to see what their party believes when whites are the minority 20 years from now?  The GOP (grumpy old poops) will probably be extinct by then.

Here are words I never thought would come out of my mouth, particularly being a Marylander: I miss Michael Steele!

Check out Rinse Penis drunk at last summer's convention.  Good times. Drunk is what the GOP does best. That's why Speaker Boehner is always the first at Happy Hour on the Hill.


That's What You Get for Being Hating Haters


(Via Google+)

HBO No Longer "Enlightened"

Okay, this really sucks.  HBO has cancelled Enlightened just when the plot possibilities were endless and timely. Season two was excellent and I find it hard to believe Laura Dern would pull the plug on a show she created.

The problem was very likely the lingering stink of the title and about half of the first season.  No one believes if you swim with sea turtles to the tune of $25 grand that you will suddenly have a brighter outlook on life. Who cares?  Of course if someone makes it through rehab and stays off of the sauce and the snort, we give them a big hand.  Rage rehab?  It was never believable that Avedon/Cogentiva hired her Amy character back in the first place after banging her boss and making a scene about it either.  But after they put her in the dungeon with other data processors, things started to get interesting as Amy discovered more evil and environmental dirty deeds could be attributed directly to the hands of the corporation.

It was also a pleasure to see Dern work with her mother Diane Ladd and that on screen relationship was so complex it could have bloomed larger than Amy's mom's roses.  Just the looks on Ladd's face every episode when her daughter with her newly found cock-eyed optimism spouted out her latest schemes....priceless.  Luke Wilson as Amy's burnout ex-husband Levi did some of the best work of his career and it was so refreshing not to see him as just the handsome wallpaper in a romantic comedy.  Mike White as Amy's cohort Tyler typically plays a brainiac nerd but took it "up to eleven" in Enlightened showing his angst over accessing private information on company big-wigs' computer hard drives.  Molly Shannon was, well, Molly Shannon, and those other bitches were just bitches.  It would have been really interesting to see where Amy's supervisor Dougie (Timm Smith) ended up after laying off his staff in a cloud of pot smoke and rage. No one expected Dermott McDermott's reporter character (Dermot Mulroney) to hang around after using Amy just to get his expose for the LA Times.  But didn't everyone think Amy might get back with her ex-husband Levi?  Isn't it always fun to think about someone banging Luke Wilson?

HBO really blew it on this one - in this current climate with people being laid off and huge corporations running Washington, DC while killing the planet simultaneously the show could have run for years!  Sure, the Amy character was an asshole, and the audience probably didn't care if she ever achieved "enlightenment" but she could have continued to do good for the earth and others even if she was doomed to remain a hot mess.

If you agree that Enlightened should be saved, you can go to HBO's poorly designed website to complain, or you can do it the old fashioned way and contact them at:

HBO Corporate Office & Headquarters
1100 Avenue of the Americas Room H13-16 New York NY 10036
HBO corporate phone number:
(212) 512-1000

I hate it when a really good show (without zombies or vampires or meth labs) goes away!  Don't you?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

"Rainbow House" to Face-Off With Westboro Baptist Church

This GREAT...but don't get used to it.  A group of LGBT activists are painting a rainbow colored house across the street from the gay-hatin'-grand-master Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church.

But I really wish this group of activists had not wasted their money on all of that paint.  It's not that I don't wish them their equal rights that are long overdue, but neighborhoods have ordinances.  Think about it?  Haven't you read stories before about some dude painting his house with polka dots or Hello Kitty faces or something  just to piss off a neighbor with a stick up their ass only to have to paint over it later once a complaint is filed? Neighbors would make you remove the Mona Lisa if you painted it on your house.

More importantly, the Westboro Baptist Church consists of Fred Phelps' family and maybe a burrow of racoons.  Yet the media goes hog wild to make sure they seem like THE driving force in homophobia in this country.  It's important for all of us to tell the media to STFU already.  It's easy enough to look up their email addresses and scold them.  The media does the same thing with Rush Limbaugh and the NRA, both of whom only have ONE percent of the population listening to bile or as gun lovin' members in real life: 3 million Americans.  We need to bombard the media and tell them to stop beating these mental defective hornets' nests. Hold them accountable. The media is hurting Americans.

So, "rainbow house" will be nice while it lasts, but it won't be for long.  Are we going to let that hater Reverend Fred Phelps EASILY take all the credit for getting rid of it?  I hope NOT!!

Here is a link to some of Westboro's hateful shenanigans from the last 18 months or so from my other website.  Keep in mind these are satire pieces.  But it's past time to wipe the Phelps family off of the national stage.

Thanking you ahead of time for your help in the media beat-down!!

Best,

"Baltimore Laurie"

Monday, March 18, 2013

Rep. Steve Stockman of Texas is Today’s Winner in the “American Evil” Reality Competition

I can't figger what's a girl no more.
Washington, DC – Representative Steve Stockman, R.-TX, decided he wanted to become the front runner in the reality show they seem to producing on the Hill these days: American Evil. He accomplished this heady feat by insisting the Violence Against Women Act was a detestable act, because not only did it protect LIBERALS (whom last time we checked were human beings) but it also protected men who dress up in Lucite shoes and feathers and even Chaz Bono*.  He asked, “How - is that a woman?”

Stockman represents the 36th district of Texas near Houston where he enjoys listening to Ted Nugent's rants (but not the rapper Common's) and is very likely breathing in mold spores on a daily basis while campaigning. I base this upon my one visit to Houston (yikes!).  That can cloud a person’s judgment I’ll bet.  Stockman also loves to rile up ministers who are supposed to be promoting peace and forgiveness to get jazzed up about guns. Moral guy. And you wouldn't believe how many holy men will take an armadillo-rhubarb pie as a bribe to endorse Smith & Wesson in the Lone Star State.

The irony is the Violence Against Women Act protects…. are you sitting down?…ALL American humans against violence, domestic and sexual abuse.  That means if Jesus came back and wanted to kick Rep. Steve Stockman in the sphincter with his sandals without having clipped his toenails since the last time he walked the earth due to Stockman's not wanting to preserve human life among the Jesus' flock…well, with the Violence Against Women Act  we'd have to protect ol’ Yosemite Stockman from the Messiah.  Sum bitch!

*Just an example. I'm sure he has NO idea who Chaz is.

What's Cuter Than a U.S. Soldier With a Puppy?

A U.S. soldier when he brings his puppy home to America!

(Via Imgur)

Sunday, March 17, 2013

CPAC Crowns Rand Paul’s Toupee Winner in the "Turkey" in the Straw Poll

I'm the next Prez!  Yessum!
Washington, DC – Surprise!  Thanks to his 13-hour filibuster protesting killing Americans with drones (instead of the old fashioned way: with poisoned groundwater) until he had to leave the Senate floor to take a poo, Senator Rand Paul, R. – KY was named the belle of the ball-less at CPAC this weekend!

The Mad Hatter of the Tea Party unseated Senator Marco Rubio, R-FL (the Great Latino Tea Party Hope), who came in a close second because he ran out of drinking water and didn’t have any Ricolas because the soothing throat lozenges were likely made by the Swiss Social Democratic Party instead of the Swiss Radical Party, which likes to give hand-jobs to big business just like our GOP at home!  Plus, those-herbal-throat-lozenge-making bastards probably have a union for their employees too!!  Also, Rubio got distracted by trying to avoid talking about how to keep other Latinos out of America who might try to steal his water.

Anyway, we all know straw polls this far out from the next presidential election don’t mean anything (see: Michele Bachmann).  Besides, once Rand deep throats a corn dog at the Iowa State Fair in 2015, it will be all over. Even if his toupee doesn’t fall into the fryer.  Because you see folks, the Tea Party is getting weaker than a regularly recycled bag of Earl Grey.  Plus, they are so self-obsessed that they probably have never even noticed that while they've been polishing their guns, they been paying the lowest income taxes since circa 2000.  Good luck Randy!

Mayor Michael Bloomberg Would Have Your Pretty Little Head on a Stick, Sarah Palin!

Washington, DC - Even though a (likely type II diabetic) judge struck down NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg's ban on 32-ounce sugary sodas, that didn't stop America's self-proclaimed idiot sweetheart from gulping at CPAC.  Naturally, it's DIET Dr. Pepper so we have no fear of Sarah developing cankles.  Did you know bendy straws are in her contract?  Why isn't there a vocal coach in her contract? That's what I've been wondering since 2008.  That voice is like fingernails on a blackboard.  You betcha!  What does this mental defective possibly have to say at this point?  Oh yeah, "Lipstick, hockey, freedom, Jesus, Jesus, Momma Grizzlies, GUNS!" I was going to go to CPAC to cover it, but I polled my friends and nobody gave a shit.
(Link)

 

Mayor Plans to Destroy State Capital Within One Term

Dateline: Harrisburg, PA - A person either follows politics in this current climate if they are a glutton for punishment or like a good laugh. I'm a little of both.  They aren't just destroying America on the Hill, they do it at the state level as well! Meet Harrisburg PA's jewel in the crown:  Mayor Linda D. Thompson... super genius. This is what happens due to voter apathy kids. You can keep up with her gaffes when you need punishment or a laugh through Roxbury News. She makes Mitt Romney look like Winston Churchill. Check out her aides faces in this video!  William Penn is rolling in his grave.



Nobody Puts a Redneck Racist in a Corner!

He's being MARGINALIZED! Poor Bubba. Watch the professor back away from this doofus.  This reminds me of the time Barbara Bush tried to cheer up the Katrina victims holed up crammed under one roof in Houston by comparing it to "summer camp."

Will You Join Me at the Rally in Support of Lt. Dan Choi
 3/28 in Washington, DC?

Dear Americans:

Serve your country at home by being in the moment… I’m asking you to put down your laptop, put down your smart phone and take a moment to think about the court martial trial of Lt. Dan Choi and attend it on March 28, 2013.

Lt. Choi proudly served in our U.S. Army in Iraq during the years the shameful “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” regulation was in place.  Upon his return from his tour of duty, he continued to show courage and bravery by coming out publicly as a gay soldier on The Rachel Maddow Show He has been a tireless crusader at home and abroad for LGBT rights and other progressive causes working to hold lawmakers accountable for activities and policies that are destructive to Americans ever since that fateful 2009 interview.

You may ask “Why is the government still prosecuting Lt. Choi under ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,’ when the law has been repealed?”  Good question.  But it says to me that we still have miles to go in achieving equal rights for LGBT Americans. In my eyes, Lt. Choi’s prosecution seems like a way for the Army to try and turn back time and live in the past. I suggest if they are so intent on doing so, that they have the fine folks at NASA work on a time machine so we can ALL go back to 2001 while they are at it, and skip the Iraq war. AND thwart 9/11.  But Dan Choi stood up at attention and chose to serve our country and I do not comprehend what part of “volunteer army” our military does not understand?

You may say “I’m not part of the LGBT community, so why should I lend my support?”  The LGBT community pays taxes just like every American.  They pay for roads, education, and infrastructure just like you and I do and are happy to do it - because we are proud citizens.  Yet they are not guaranteed the same civil rights as heterosexual Americans.  It’s bad enough that we are becoming a country of the haves and have nots due to the fiscally bumbling gridlocked Congress.  Now we are picking and choosing which fellow Americans to exclude from the pursuit of happiness?

Because I am so confident you will join me at Lt. Choi’s trial to show your support,  patriotism and pride here are some travel tips:

You can purchase Metro tickets (an all-day pass is the way to go) at the stations or on line at: http://www.wmata.com/fares/purchase/store/  You can take the Red line to Judiciary Square or the Green Line to the Naval Archives.  Walk east to the U.S Courthouse, which is adjacent to John Marshall Park. Police are helpful for directions. If you get to Louisiana Ave., you’ve walked too far.

The weather in DC can be unpredictable in spring.  You may be chilly in the morning and it could suddenly be very warm in the afternoon, so dress accordingly.  Wear your best walking shoes.  Bring bottled water and something to eat like an energy bar.  There is pretty much NOWHERE to eat in that neighborhood.  A $3 ice cream sandwich is about all you will find! If you do want to eat you might check out restaurants here: http://www.urbanspoon.com/npr/7/609/1/DC/Capitol-Hill/Cheap-Eats.html

There are some decent places behind the Capitol building on Pennsylvania Ave., S.E. as well.  If you do want an alcoholic drink – BRING PLENTY OF CASH!

Come on.  We can do this! Leave the social media behind and get down to DC to become a proud part of our history by supporting a true American hero.  Please check out Lt. Choi’s Facebook Page for further details.
https://www.facebook.com/ltdanchoi?ref=ts&fref=ts

See you there!

Rally in Support of Lt. Dan Choi

Thursday, March 28th - 9 a.m.

E. Barrett Prettyman Courthouse
2nd Floor

333 Constitution Avenue NW, Washington D.C.

Sincerely,

L.B. Brown
Equality for All Americans
P.S. Tell him “Baltimore Laurie” sent you! (Please?)
Lt. Choi with Kathy Griffin.  Freedom Plaza, March 2010.